From 15 year old me to 22 year old me: Where I thought I'd be at 22

So I’ve always had this thing about turning 22. Did it have something to do with a certain Taylor Swift sing? Very likely. I think it’s when you’ve officially become an adult. At 21 you’re still ‘just legal’, there’s something that still feels very kid like about it. But when I was 15, 22 felt a whole lifetime away. Now at 21, 15 feels a lifetime away.

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The best advice I ever got

Okay this maybe isn’t THE best but it’s some of the best advice I’ve ever got. I’m someone who tends to feel something, feel it very intensely and then like a switch, I turn it off. A couple of years ago I was super fucked off, upset, angry, confused, jealous, just a whole bunch of feelings. I went on a walk with one of my friends and we were talking about something completely different when she just said “WAIT STOP RIGHT THERE” literally made me stop in the middle of the sidewalk. She said “I can tell BLAHBLAHBLAH is on your mind, and here’s what I want you to do” I looked at her as if she had just read my soul.


“From here to that lamp post I want you to just say EVERYTHING. Chat shit, even if it’s not true just say it out loud so it’s out” and you can BETCHO BOTTOM DOLLAR I tore this situation to shit. But I hit the lamp post and that was it. It was out. And because of that it couldn’t swirl around my head anymore, I couldn’t think about it anymore, I had said it to someone, it was out. All those feelings went away. Simple, but effective.

So if you feel like you can’t let go of something or someone, grab a best friend, someone you can trust, and just blurt EVERY thought in your head out. For 60 seconds just chat shit. You’ll feel a million times better , I promise you that. 

Let's Be Real - Cheaters

First things first, can we just acknowledge the timing here. There is potentially the biggest cheating scandal in pop culture occurring (RED TABLE WHOOOOO?!) and this is what I’m writing about. Coincidence?! And to be honest, I couldn’t be more basic considering how many conversations I had about it over the past couple of days. BUT weirdly enough, every conversation has been different as people approach the topic so differently.

So I’m the first to say I trust way too easy which might be the reason I was pretty much cheated on a million times by the same guy… You’d think a bitch would learn. But here’s a curveball, I’m not all innocent either, and I defend myself saying ‘oh it doesn’t count, I was like 15, who cares’. A bit hypocritical, no? I’ll tell you what though, I swear down that I’d never do that again, because it’s actually one of the worst feelings in the world. And what makes it EVEN worse, is that that feeling can stay with you for so long. 

I’m in a weird sitch where I try so hard to put myself in a position where I will NEVER have to feel that way again, so much so that I never let anyone close enough to make me feel like that. I mean, I’m not all mad about it, I’ve got some funny stories (disaster dates I like to call them), that I think if I wasn’t the way I am, maybe wouldn’t have been funny or worth telling, I probably would have settled for one of them - and where’s the fun in that for a single gals website?!?

Anyways, let’s talk about those polls. Let’s put it this way, I think we all had a bit of a hard time answering those because the answers are never black and white, so answering yes or no really does push that gut feeling answer to the forefront. I think everyone has dealt with feeling betrayed by someone, and from everyones answers we all deal with it differently. 

I’d say I was with the majority of people on some answers, and like a couple of people said, it is SO dependent on the situation. But the overall consensus was if you’d been cheated on, you’d NEVER do it to someone and you’d NEVER want to feel that way again - understandable. 

Do I think ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’? No. But I do think if you’ve cheated and gotten away with it, you’re more likely than someone who has been caught or admitted to it, to do it again. 

My sitch was a weird one. I was with this guy for a hot sec, we broke up, then started seeing each other again, but without being ‘official’ (urgh hate that word) and he cheated (this could potentially be a Ross and Rachel ‘ We were on a break’ sitch) and then we got together officially. Yeah… I’m just as confused as you, and I lived it. And my way of dealing was just to stop talking to him. Literally the second I clocked it, yeah he never told me, I put pieces together, call me Sherlock Holmes. And he knew I knew, and when we actually spoke about it MONTHS later, his big line was ‘it’s not the girl you think it was, it was the other one’… SORRY BABE, AS IF THAT MATTERS RIGHT NOW?!?!?! Although, in saying that, clearly it mattered enough for me to take him back, no real questions asked.

I think as a naive 17 year old, or maybe even still naive 21 year old, if you tell me something, particularly if it’s along the lines of ‘worst mistake of my life, i think about it everyday, you mean more than   anything to me’, yeah, a bitch will sit there and believe you. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED TO STAY COOL ABOUT IT, I was pretty chuffed and like totally in love with love. When I look back now, I should have just realised by going back was me not respecting myself enough to walk away. But also I was 17 and this was my high school musical moment - this was the shit you saw in teen rom coms. And this was happening to ME (like if this dude isn’t where my high expectations for men stems from, idk what is.). But the subtitle for this story was ‘I NEVER want to talk about this again’ aka pretend this never happened, pretend everything is perfect. And you know what? That made it perfect… on the surface. Just like all good things, it exploded a couple of months later when what could have been little conversations along the way turned into a huge fight and like anyone in that situation, my big argument was that he had cheated on me first and I had forgiven him whatever I do, he has to forgive me. Yeah… not my finest moment. But I think being young and so infatuated with someone, you don’t even care what they’ve done or how much they hurt you, you just want them. & You want them to want you (omg sounds like that song I waaaant youuuu to wanttt meeeeee, i neeeeeedd youuuu to neeeeddd meee). 


So when someone sits in front of you and says that they’ve found someone else, it’s like your worst nightmare coming to life. Albeit, I was rather intoxicated when being told this so I can’t fully back myself, I just know I was a mess. No matter how weird, shit or immature a relationship is, when you’re young and impressionable, that stuff sticks. And boy oh boy has it stuck. I think I’m still just as naive, but I’m more picky about the people I am naive for. 

I don’t think you should be in a relationship where you are constantly scared they are going to cheat on you. Take it from the girl who was cheated on and literally when I was with this dude, I had NO stress that he was going to cheat on me. Even though he did, I would have hated to have ruined the good times by wondering whether or not something was going on behind the scenes. So I don’t necessarily think you should change the way you behave in a relationship based on previous ones. Why should your new beau have to be punished for the way someone in the past behaved? I mean, I say that, my list of things I expect from a guy is only getting longer, but that’s a whole other story…





From Then to Now.

I feel like I’ve pretty much branded phephebelle.com as the single girl who goes on the bad dates so you don’t have to, but also as the girl who feels like getting a boyfriend is harder than it should be as you take in the past, the present and the future. I take you into the mind of a 21 year old, whose thoughts may not always be logical, can come across as crazy and most of all I say it how it is

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