Standing Ovation for the Stand Up.

When I was 15, I was your typical basic gal (maybe even more so than nowadays), I went on tumblr and printed out a bunch of pics and quotes to stick up on my wall. And for one reason or another, I printed out this:

That exact picture was stuck by my desk until I left for uni. And then I sort of forgot about it. Until recently.

The last couple of weeks, more than not I have somehow been reminded that it is when you expect the most that you are often disappointed. I’ve seen this in friends, and also in myself. I’m usually one to not be butthurt and just take things on the chin and move on. But recently I’ll admit, it’s been missing my chin and just slapping me in the face.


And I’ll tell you why. I. PHOEBE. GOT. STOOD. UP.


And here’s what I’ve learnt, I will NEVER do that to anyone EVER AGAIN. Solemnly swear. I mean, let’s just put it this way, I’m lucky I am the way I am and I didn’t even for a second think I was the problem. I knew this was all him. But here’s the catch, this story starts SIX MONTHS AGO.


So I find this boy on bumble. He’s GORGEOUS. Right up my street. We match once. He deletes his bumble. We match twice. I delete my bumble. We match thrice (not sure if that’s a thing). He deletes his bumble. We match four times. I go on this date, and decide I’m too good for bumble, so delete my account. Then decide, I’m not too good and I need the content. We match for the fifth time and I decide “Right Phe, Big cahones” so I open with “Right, I’m just going to point out the obvious, I think we should just go for drinks”. Bare in mind, up until this point the chat has been decent but obviously always ending quite abruptly. So I’m not even entertaining the small talk anymore, I’m going straight in.


He agrees and says “I think after matching 5 times, I owe you a beer or two”, I mean, keep the beers sweetie, not much I can do with them. But you know, I’m a nice gal, I’ll entertain it. He asks for my number, I drop those digits and await the message. Bare in mind (again), if he wanted out, he could have just NOT MESSAGED MY NUMBER AND WE ALL COULD HAVE JUST CALLED IT A DAY. But no. Five minutes later I get a message. The chat is great. It’s jokes all around. I’m thinking great, this is great. He decides tapas, I suggest thursday (it’s only saturday at this point). So that was set, I just kind of thought ok well I’m just going to leave this here, because I don’t want to waste all my chat on here. Monday rolls around and my friend M is over and obviously it comes up. So I go to show her the chat, only to realise HIS DP AND STATUS IS GONE AKA THE SIGNS THAT SOMEONE HAS BLOCKED YOU. My first thought is I have told EVERYONE about this date, EVERYONE. I couldn’t tell you one person in my life I hadn’t told. And my first reaction is to burst out laughing. Because it’s kind of hilarious. And I start thinking ‘omg this is because I picked out my outfit early, I never do that, and I did and this happened’. So the whole of tuesday I’m dealing with the fact that I’ve been blocked, I’ve accepted it. Until 10.30pm. 


I get a message from another number “New number, it’s joe from bumble” (I’m not even faking the bastards name at this point, beware of any Joe you meet). Not going to lie to you, was I low key relieved I wasn’t actually blocked? oh a hundred percent. But looking back on it now do I just wish he had blocked me? AbsoPHUCKINGlutely.


He goes on to be like ‘Sorry about that, messaged you as soon as I could’, I mean at this point I hadn’t tried to message him, all I thought was that I was blocked. So he asks if I’m still on for thursday and I’m like yeah. So he comes out with the most elaborate plan. He asks if I can dance. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a picture of me, but let’s just say ‘dancer’ isn’t what I scream if you know what I mean. So you know, I’m not going to lie, I say no. And he says he can’t either but there’s this salsa bar that does classes and it could be fun and then there’s also drinks and stuff. And at this point, I’m thinking ‘wow, this is what I call a date baby!’, not just your basic drinks, this is a full blown, straight out of a movie, play some happy go lucky tune, date. And I’m not a sporty chick, but even I was feeling it. So again, I just kind of leave it at that because again I’m not planning on using too much chat over messages. I want to have stuff to chat about when I get there. Had I know I was never going to get there, I would have chatted my little heart away.


Thursday comes around. It gets to 5pm and nothing is said. I take control, I message a simple ‘So should I meet you there just before 8?’. NOTHING. I repeat nothing. And I obviously refuse to get ready until I know it’s actually happening because I didn’t want to be sat there all dolled up with nowhere to go. I won’t lie, I was butthurt because although I’ve been on the other side, I had never been on this side, and this side SUCKED!


About a week passes and still nothing. And obviously like anyone in my position I didn’t want to be in that position so in kicked my sass. But you know, I wanted sass but make it fashion you know. I didn’t want pity, I just wanted him to think ‘I fucked that up, she’s cool’ so I went for the simple, yet oh so effective ‘so that was fun’ and i shit you not, THE SAME MINUTE I send that, he answers. He apologises, says he doesn’t have an excuse (come up with one sweetie), says he’s sorry for wasting my time, adds a few x’s here and there (DO NOT X ME SWEETIE), obviously I didn’t answer any of those messages. But then he proceeds to send this ten minutes later and this, THIS was the cherry on top. ‘WHY DON’T WE REARRANGE?’. UM HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Let’s just say, I’m not the one left ignored now. After throwing some sass, I was satisfied with just leaving that where it was. Which in this case, was nowhere.


So, phephebelle is still without a man, but better no man, than a shitty one. Maybe 2019 has something in store, or not. But for now, I’m wondering how Santa is going to get a boy down the chimney and under my tree on christmas morning.