New Year, Same Boy?

And as we started listing guys we had been involved with before, the question came up ‘do we really need a new guy or can we recycle one of the guys from our past?’. In a way, I guess getting back together with someone isn’t always the worst thing. But in saying that I think there are times when you shouldn’t get back together with someone or be involved with someone again, for example if they’ve cheated on you (once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater - no exceptions) or if they’ve ruined your idea of love. This is what upsets me the most when people I know want to get back with or even consider seeing someone that ruined their idea of love because their own idea of love is so messed up. But then again there is something very exciting about getting back with someone you already know the ins and outs of although sometimes it takes a hot minute to break through the inevitable wall that has been put up. I think that wall is sometimes just shaken when you or the other person can’t break it down - this is the love that you won’t get right. And ultimately that’s a strong enough reason to end a relationship even if it hurts. Not everyone deserves a second chance, it’s never the same love after you break up. But what if it could be? What if you could forget the past and be with this person again? Play the ultimate game of ‘forgive and forget’. I’m pretty sure I’ve said something along the lines of ‘yeah ok but let’s never bring this up, never talk about it’ and even though that worked for a bit, it was cursed from the start. But it didn’t have to be. As women we love to talk and talk and talk and talk, I’ve got a whole website dedicated to talking about shit I think I don’t talk about enough in person (I so do, but just like eating a piece of chocolate cake, one can’t always stop). But the problem with that for me was that I tried to play this ‘cool’ girl persona of ‘we don’t need to talk about this, I’m so cool I’ll forgive it and forget it’ when in reality I should have said how I felt then and there because there was NO WAY I was going to forgive and forget. Just like a ticking time bomb I was bound to explode at some point, and I did. I think getting back with someone isn’t a one second decision, because the amount of emotional strain you place on yourself is really insane. You sit in school all day as a kid and learn all about equations and graphs and how to analyze books but are never taught to understand your thoughts and feelings. All you can do is talk about them, and when you choose not to or feel as if you don’t have the chance to, you can start to fall into a hole of ‘what the fuck am I doing?’. Even recently I’ve found myself slipping into old habits and then I have to stop and ask myself whether or not I want to go through the emotional stress of having to break down a wall that took so long to break through the first time and then the feeling goes because although something is fun once doesn’t always mean you need to drag it on throughout your life. Sometimes you need to leave people in the chapter they belong in. Moving to university for example gives you a new chapter, and those we choose to carry through to this chapter will prove themselves worthy in the same way you will prove yourself worthy of being carried through to their next chapter. But jumping five chapters in life only to fall back to old habits makes you wonder whether or not you are truly making the most of your current life. And sometimes going back to old boys may be a sign of giving up on trying with anyone new and wanting a quick fix, a pill to cure the symptoms but not the problem. But then again, if something ended with someone because of unlucky circumstances and you ended on good terms and you were still able to remain friends and for one reason or another you find yourselves at a point in your lives where it seems as if everything falls into place, then the saying of ‘if it’s meant to be it will be’ only seems appropriate.