From 15 year old me to 22 year old me: Where I thought I'd be at 22

So I’ve always had this thing about turning 22. Did it have something to do with a certain Taylor Swift sing? Very likely. I think it’s when you’ve officially become an adult. At 21 you’re still ‘just legal’, there’s something that still feels very kid like about it. But when I was 15, 22 felt a whole lifetime away. Now at 21, 15 feels a lifetime away.


So when I was about 15, I decided with my friend G that this was the epitome of adulthood:

being 22, running naked on a treadmill in my own apartment and being able to order a cake at midnight for no reason at all.


I remember the exact moment we spoke about, I could literally tell you where we were, what day it was and what I was wearing because this was exactly how I thought my life would pan out. This was the most adult I could picture myself.


Now, I’ll tell you a couple of reasons this just wouldn’t be a great sitch. 

First, there is NO WAY I’d be running naked with these boobs, I can barely make it down the stairs without have to hold these ladies down, so running just doesn’t seem like the best idea. Secondly, nowhere delivers a cake a midnight. And thirdly, the reason this could not be the epitome of adulthood at 22 is because I’m turning 22 in four months and have never felt less like an adult, EVER. 

8A3AE92F-F65F-477F-BFEF-EC6E53A221E7.JPEG


IMG_8231.PNG

Although I’m turning 22 and my 15 year old self had a line to describe where she thought her life would be, she also put together a little list of things that she thought were essential to it. A list I had forgotten existed and to be honest, was one of my favourite things I’ve ever found on my phone. A list I wrote in 2012! 


Although a lot of things on this list have happened, a lot have not, and some feel lifetimes away still. Some things I think need a little explaining, fuck it, I think the whole thing needs some explaining - here we go.


‘Have a job that’s killer’ 

I won’t lie, I don’t think I’d taken uni into account when I wrote this. To be fair, even going into uni I didn’t realise I’d be turning 22 the year I left. I’ll be honest, I’m pretty sure 15 year old me thought her ‘killer job’ would be that she’d be signed to a record label singing next to Taylor Swift and One Direction.


‘Go to NYC to run in heels’

So this is funny because it actually happened. There used to be a reality show called ‘Running in Heels’ where these girls interned at a magazine in NYC, I think it was Marie Claire, and they were competing for a full time position there. And I always had this vision of myself doing that - and I fucking did! Which sometimes still baffles me, but was the best experience of my LIFE so far.


‘Be Blonde’

Jesus… My story with being blonde probably deserves a post of it’s own - so for now let’s just say: been there, done that!


‘Have no more spots’

A bitch still has spots but you know, nowhere near as bad as they were wen I was fifteen so I guess we have that to be thankful for. 


‘Have had a super serious boyfriend that ends not because you don’t like each other but bc “you have to let each other go”’

Still waiting on this. The hopeless romantic in me clearly was down for the drama of this situation but I think I’m cutting it awfully close with only three months to get into and then leave a ‘super serious’ relationship…


‘Be single and be mingling but not committing’

I don’t know why but I do remember writing this and thinking it was really funny. I think I liked the idea of being lusted after without having any strings attached. There was something in my mind that was so attracted to the idea of being single in my early twenties, little did I know I’d be on dating apps to try and get good stories…One thing’s for sure - definitely going to be single at 22 and finally taking a break from the mingling without committing. 


‘Order cocktails at the soho hotel bar as you do ur makeup on the go’

I stayed at the Soho Hotel on my 13th birthday and remember watching in awe as this women sat so confidently at the bar with her friends and did her makeup as she gossiped about ‘Kate in PR’ and sipped on espresso martinis - I remember thinking ‘I WANT TO BE YOU!’ , however, I’m yet to sit bare faced at a cocktail bar - see three points above!


‘Have a shoe closet’

In my last flat I had a bit of a shoe closet of sorts going on. But now with 70% of my shoes in storage, I can’t say the same thing…


‘Have the lead role in musical’

Wahey I’ve had the leads in two musicals, as I’ve said a million times in my life ‘I was Sandy in Grease’. 


‘Have more than one credit card’

Ok so this was before I really understood what a credit card was and I’m happy to say I have no credit cards but I do have two cards. Shoutout to Monzo and Starling, big fan of the colours.


‘Be selfish’

I’d say I’m doing pretty good on this one…


‘Be healthy’

Could be doing better on this one…


‘Have something like a book or a blog or something’

Pretty spot on, on this one…


‘Be able to run on a treadmill for 30 mins’

Not well at all on this one…


‘Go on dates with men’

Pretty fucking good on this one…


‘Have a group of friends that go for brunch on saturday and talk about the night before’

Again, killing it with this one…


‘Have a signature cocktail that you order all the time’

HELLO PORNSTAR MARTINIS!!!!!!


‘Never give a shit what anyone thinks about you’

Nothing changed here, still not giving shits since ’97.


‘Have a closet that is colour coded’

So this happens every time I try to keep up with something. But we all know, if you’ve followed phephebelle.com for a while, I’m shit at keeping up with things (Kardashians excluded). So as of right this second: closet = not colour coded.


‘Always have your nails done’

My mum said to me you’ll always look pulled together if your nails are done and you have a nice handbag. I’m a fan of red as we all know (CND Shellac in WILDFIRE)


‘Don’t ever let a boy become your life’

I’d say at 21 I’ve learnt this and at 17 I let it happen. Moral of the story - no boy has ever been allowed to become my whole life since then. 


‘Remember this list.’

Hmm, forgot? Yes… But!!! Remembered just in time!


All in all, I don’t think I’m where I thought I would be - I’m definitely not running naked on a treadmill. But, you know, we’re slowly getting there.