First Date Faux Pas

I’m not a serial dater by any means, but I’ll tell you why. When you’re in school it’s almost as if you know everything about someone before you ever establish anything more than a friendship between you and them - In the ‘real world’ it’s a whole different ball game. Well, unless you are like me and you do your research and you know waaaaay more than you should before you go on a couple of dates and you have to hold yourself back from talking about their uncles dog, chief, and how his sisters wedding went last November... I know you do this too. Don’t lie.  But here’s the thing, I don’t think that’s the main problem here, in fact I think that is just a precaution that should be taken to avoid wasting your time with someone you have nothing in common with. But also someone’s social media can tell you A LOT about them, and I’m not trying to brag but I’ve often hit the nail on the head when it comes to predicting how someone is based on their online presence (oh yes, I do the whole shabang, google, instagram, Facebook, YouTube, you name it I’ve checked it).

Instead I’ll tell you what the WORST things you could do on a date, especially a first date. Some of these things I’ve had to sit through, some of these things my friends have had to sit through, but here it is to make sure you don’t make anyone sit through this with you.

  1. DO NOT JUST TALK ABOUT YOURSELF. Oh my god, if I could scream this in the guys face I am thinking about you bet your BOTTOM DOLLAR I would, in fact I almost did. Now I’m the first to say I’m being the biggest hypocrite because what is if not a whole website about me, but if I ask you how your day went, please PLEASE end your statement with “what about you?”. I sat for TEN MINUTES listening to this guy talk AT me and then when I thought he was done he hit me with the “and then [insert more useless blabber to build up his own ego]”. Like HELLO NO THANK YOU GOODBYE. And when they finally realise they’ve spoken by themselves for what feels like an eternity, you add one comment before it all goes back to them.

  2. Don’t talk about how hungover you are… every single day. This could be more tailored to me because I seriously find it the most unattractive thing when a full grown man decides to tell me how hungover he is. Like no thank you, you’re killing it for yourself here.

  3. Don’t go for dinner or a movie, full stop. If this is a first date, don’t do something where you are static just facing each other, it’s almost impossible to judge someones body language and if you run out of topics you’re just sat there with nothing to discuss (side note: ALWAYS have a backup topic/ question if this occurs). So go and do something.

  4. If you do end up having drinks somewhere, here is a little “game” you can do. After a couple of drinks, when you order again offer to pick their drink and they pick yours to see how much you know about them. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I think you get the jist... I’ve done this and it went down a treat, so I’m sorry if you thought this was all spontaneous, no, PLANNED AF.

  5. Pay. I’m sorry to be old school. This is just being real, if you don’t, I mean no biggie but if you do, extra brownie points. Still offer! Still be polite about it. Quoting a friend here “if you’re a girl offer, if you’re a boy pay”. And that’s how it goes.

  6. Don’t play games. I HATE games and cannot stress this enough. I don’t mean flirty games - by all means play those. I’m talking “he took an hour and 12 minutes to answer so I’m going to take an hour and 12 minutes to answer” like HELLO!!!! Don’t do that, answer ASAP por favor!!!

  7. Call. I know that sounds intimidating if it’s around first date territory BUT there’s something about a boy being able to hold a phone call that is really endearing, I don’t know, maybe that’s just me...

  8. Be prepared. Once you decide on where you’re going, if it is a planned thing like going for drinks, if you live somewhere that you know is going to be super busy CALL AND BOOK!!! And again I don’t mean to be old school but I would expect the guy to do this (am I asking for too much??). The guy I was meeting didn’t do this, so we arrived and they told us it was full but little old me had called and booked because SOMEONE HAS TO BE PREPARED so we had a place anyways. But I’m pretty sure he felt thrown under the bus. Sorry (not sorry).

  9. DO NOT BRAG. Oh my god, I don’t know why some people feel this is good conversation. I want to get to know you, not how much you or your parents make. If I’m talking about my favourite colour (sorry, I put myself under pressure there and couldn’t think of a good topic) DO NOT follow that up with “my uncle crashed his Ferrari yesterday” like whhhhaaaaa????????

Any of these things are red flags to me. And maybe that’s why I’m still single... I grabbed my clutch and ran in my little high heels as soon as any of these flags caught the wind. I then did what any girl in this position would do, I called my best friend and described the sitch in full detail.