’We’re all mad here’ is one of my favourite quotes from Alice in Wonderland. But ‘MAD’ in this case is an acronym for Motivated, Ambitious and Determined. Things I think have ultimately made me a happier person and here’s why.
Doing nothing was my speciality, I was so good at doing absolutely nothing. I was a professional time waster. But after a while, I realized that doing nothing made me feel nothing. I was never proud of myself, I was never tired when I went to bed, I was never excited for anything, you get the point. I think this is a feeling a fair amount of people feel at some point in their lives, especially the first time you live on your own because no one is there to tell you what to do. I went through the two different phases of ‘freedom’; the first, doing absolutely everything all the time just because no one is there to stop you (aka my first term at uni) and the second, doing absolutely nothing because you’ve dug yourself into an unbelievably deep hole of laziness (aka my month of March…and April…and May).
At this point, enough was enough (even though there was nothing). I started an internship, a proper working day internship. For me, working allowed me to structure myself again, something I had lost whilst at uni. I had no sense of a schedule. I know some people love that, and I am one of those people that love the idea of not having a schedule, but I just don’t function very well that way. Now, I knew everyday I had to get up, get ready, go to work, come home, work on this and then I had some free time. At the beginning, you would have thought I had just been reintroduced to the morning, a time of day I had come to forget. I could barely stay awake through the day, then I’d come home and pretty much pass out (dramatic, I know, welcome to my life). After a couple of days (weeks*) I got used to it and I felt better for it. It was around that time that I started working on developing phephebelle.com, finalized all my ideas for it and started designing the website. I also started creating content, something I’ve found to be satisfying in the sense that you feel accomplished once finishing a piece. Each finished piece motivating me to do another. By the time the website went live on the first of July, I had a month’s worth of content. Obviously, I’ve revisited every piece because sometimes what I think I’m writing is not what I have actually written, so I play my own translator.
Being so invested in something that was fully my own creation filled me with this determination for it to succeed and be something people would actually enjoy reading. On top of that, I want my new found M.A.Dness to resonate with someone (I hope you are my someone), because the feeling is addictive. Before this point, I would just experience these waves of motivation, but nothing would come of it because I had nowhere to channel it. And now that I do, it’s all consuming. This is the longest I’ve stuck at anything, and from something that started off as a motivator has now become a platform for me to express my inner motivation. That made so much sense in my head, but I’m not sure it made sense in that sentence, so I’ll try again just in case. Basically this website was supposed to act as a motivator, in the sense that it would make me feel like I had to write posts and do exciting things so they could be documented, but as it’s been up I’ve realized I’ve had to be very strict with what I upload because there’s so much content to choose from. I have a feeling that made even less sense but I feel the jist of what I was trying to say is there (somewhere…).
I think these feelings of motivation and determination come from doing something I want to do. No one is forcing me to do any of this, but I feel so proud of what I’ve created that I only want it to go up from here. Yeah phephebelle.com is just a website right now, but I want it to go so much further than that. I’m not trying to be cocky when I say that, it’s me putting it out there so that in a couple of years I’ll be able to read this post and be like ‘I started at the bottom now I’m here’, ‘All I do is win, win, win’, ‘I made that (phephe)bitch fayyyyyymous’ and any other lyric that makes me feel cool af and doesn’t apply to my life whatsoever atm (and in all honesty, I will probably never say any of that… except on a night out when the drinks are flowing and those are the only bits of those songs I can remember). Laughs aside (if there were no laughs, ignore that bit), I do think self-love is key to being M.A.D, I am my biggest fan when it comes to this website and that’s simply because I love the whole thing. And if I wasn’t, you wouldn’t be interested whatsoever (if you got to this point in this piece, girl you are in-te-res-ted) but I know that I will be more interested and more committed to phephebelle.com than anyone else because it is part of my life for hours every day whereas readers are simply here to read and then go on with their day and probably don’t think about it the rest of the time. But I want those five minutes that you are here to be encapsulating and take you away for a moment, as is the intention of any content creator (yeah I’m throwing myself in that category now) and that is what I aim to do every time I start writing. When you write back and tell me that’s how you felt, it only makes me want to do more.
Encouragement and support is also part of the M.A.D.ness, but is separated in two. Self-encouragement and self-support and then encouragement and support from others. This is something I touched on in my Pick N’ Mix piece, but it really does make such a difference when the people around you are into what you are doing. If they’re not, then it’s time for your self-encouragement and self-support to take centre stage with your M.A.D.ness because your mind is the strongest thing you have, you can convince yourself of anything. But on top of just supporting what you are doing, having M.A.D. friends only makes you more so. By surrounding yourself with a group of people who are motivated you can’t help but feel the same way. And this whole thing can be applied to anything you are doing, whether it be sports or art or music, literally anything at all even school, if you are M.A.D. in the way you approach it, you can only succeed.
So be M.A.D. baby!