I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to prioritise things in my life aka getting my ducks in a row. I am so bad at prioritising the right things and following through with things. I’m a big talker and want to become a bigger doer. Something to make this post a little more funny than it’s supposed to: I always say how I’m single and I’m never going to meet anyone for me and that I will never find a boyfriend. But in reality, I’m not doing anything to find a boyfriend. I’m not saying that having a boyfriend is my number one priority in life, although considering how many jokes (there’s always truth in jokes) I make about it, you would think it was. But what I’m trying to say is that if I REALLY wanted a boyfriend, I would be doing more things to try and get one. So maybe I don’t really want one at this point in my life. Another thing is my singing. My dream would be to be a singer (super awkward if you’ve heard me sing and think I’m complete and utter shit) of some sort, but me singing to myself in my room isn’t doing anything to further me in that career. Although ya girl has a musician networking event tomorrow night (or it’s already passed depending on when I post this) and fingers crossed I make some connections to start something up in that respect (update- this event was a complete and utter disaster).
I have a really obsessive personality, addictive almost. I go through phases where I become completely obsessed with one thing. When I was launching this website for example, it was all I could talk about, think about and do. My life became purely about this, but once something else came along I became entranced by that. I do it with relationships, friendships, food, activities, music, everything in my life seems to become my life for that moment in time. I want to see the positive in it, but lately I’ve only been able to see how this has negatively affected me. I’ve lost my ability to multitask and be present in moments because I become so obsessed with one single thing that I can’t compute anything else in my mind and ultimately it has made me a much more introverted person.
One way I’m trying to deal with it is through clearing my physical space in order to clear my mind and start fresh. Switching up my routine and giving myself more of a schedule. Everyday I try to remind myself of my goals, what I actually want out of life, the things that are important to me and then make a list of things I can do in that day to get closer to achieving them. This may all sound like the most clich-ayyyyyy thing you’ve ever heard but for me I need to put my mental thoughts into a physical form in order to deal with them. I guess that’s quite obvious through this site, I like to make things in my heads actual things.
I’ve got three books that I use to plan out my life. One is my phephebelle.com book. Believe it or not, I write so many posts and ideas in this book and sometimes I forget the purpose of writing them is to create content for this website because everything I write is ultimately for me. I probably benefit the most from my posts (although apparently so do other people?!!?!?! WARNING I’M ABOUT TO GET EMOSH: thank you so much if you’ve messaged me to say these posts have helped you/ inspired you/ entertained you in any way - OK, that’s it, anything more and I feel like I sound like I’m receiving an Oscar), so sometimes I forget to post things purely because sometimes just writing stuff out is enough for me to be like “ok I’ve put it down, I understand it, I can move on”. I’ve learnt so much about myself through writing these posts and I’ve managed to deal with stuff that I maybe hadn’t thought about. My second book is a To-Do book. This is more for when I have a specific task; I will write down all the steps I need to do in order to complete that task. Basically, I break down whatever it is I need to do in order to not be so overwhelmed and have no idea where to start (which is me every time I try to do something without planning it out). The third book is a book my parents got me which is a notebook which has a positive/ inspiring quote on every page. This is something I go towards if I’m needing motivation, wanting to figure something out in the long run. Along with these books, (I know, you’re probably like ‘jesus this is a lot’) I also have a weekly planner on which I plan out my week. Everything from my uni readings, to social events and deadlines, I like to put on here and pin it on my board so I can see what I have planned for the week. There’s also a “to-do” list section on there, I use this to mark out more generic tasks like laundry, essays, chores, that kind of thing. I could just put it all in a very neatly organised planner (shoutout to my friend Vi and her perfect planner) but 1. that’s too much pressure for me/ stresses me out (my handwriting is not planner pro level) and 2. I like to have things broken down and in sight AT ALL TIMES.
It’s a work in progress and I really think it’s something to consider if you’re feeling like this and having a moment of “wtf am I doing with my life?”, “wtf do I want to do?” and pretty much anything along those lines. Whether it’s talking about them to someone or writing them down and figuring it out on your own, DO deal with it. You will regret it so much if you don’t push for it. As Coco Chanel said “my life didn’t please me, so I created my life”, baby there’s nothing stopping you but you. Hustle.