I wanted to call this piece 'Knock Ophs' but thought maybe that was taking it a bit too far and not enough people would understand it and me trying to be clever with my word choice would just backfire. So here we are. Now I know what you're thinking (I know you're not thinking this, but hear me out), 'why is a piece about designer knock offs in the food section?'. And well, that's because I had this thought the other day when I was in the supermarket, why is it that knockoffs in the fashion world are cheaper than the real thing whereas food knockoffs are more expensive. And I'm not talking about your standard supermarket knock off Coca-Cola (which is cheaper than normal cola, I know), I'm talking about the real shit, the real knock offs. Chocolate knock offs. Considering I can't have gluten or dairy (Am I even gluten and dairy free if I don't mention it?), I am always looking for alternatives to the foods I used to eat and drinks I used to drink. Personally, I think I've done quite a good job in finding knock offs of my favourite foods. And if you're thinking of (or have no choice) becoming gluten and dairy free or even going vegan, this may be a good guide to help you focus on what you can have as opposed to dwelling on what you can't.
Let's get straight to the chase, chocolate milk AKA chocolate mylk. I have found that this Rebel brand is ph**king delicious AND it comes in small portable cartons with straws. But I'm not going to lie, that's not the only good knock off chocolate milk, there's also the KOKO chocolate milk or the soy chocolate milk by Shake. I've only been able to find them in the huge cartons though (not complaining, just stating) and to be honest these are quite decently priced, in fact I'm pretty sure the litre cartons of them probably work out cheaper than the individual ones. And whilst we are on the topic of milks, I will just say that my favourite milk to have with cereal or in coffees is the Provamel vanilla soy milk. The stuff even froths up really well. Another good milk alternative for coffee is the Califia coffee creamers (the toffee pecan one is the best).
Next up, ice cream. I've had some not so good experiences with this and ended up with tubs of not so good ice cream. But through my trial and error I have found some that I will admit have made me question whether or not a cow was involved in my dessert (or breakfast...). Almond Dream, DO NOT get the tubs of ice cream EVEN if it is cookie dough (I learnt this the hard way), you know that is not ice cream, there's no fooling anyone. However, that being said, they do make this little chocolate ice cream bites and those do fool me. They fool me right into finishing the whole packet in one go. Next is Ben N Jerry's, they know, they just know wassup. I had been looking for the dairy free Ben N Jerry's ever since they first came out with the line and only recently found a tub and that is good stuff. And the last one, the holy grail of all dairy free ice creams, (this is not a dance move) Booja-Booja. I can't even tell you how good it is, you will just have to find it on your own, take a seat and devour it.
Chocolate buttons. Need I say more? If I could have picked my favourite treat it would probably have been Cadbury's chocolate buttons. But now obviously those are off the table and needed a quick replacement. Cue Montezuma's dark chocolate buttons, yeah sure they're not the same. They're not creamy, sweet rounds of deliciousness but they're dairy free and easy to get used to. In fact, I got so used to them I learnt to hate them. I just overdid it (as I do most things in my life).
At this point, just like me, you've probably become aware I like chocolate a little more than I probably should. But considering chocolate was always the reason I would be like ‘no I can’t give up dairy’ I think I’ve done quite well trying to find chocoknockoffs (no?...). Anyways, those are definitely my top chocoffs (better? still not.).