Just thinking

ever sit and wonder « why tf am I still thinking about this? », I do, all the time. I have this horrible attachment to things I shouldn’t and can’t see to shake them. It’s 11.23pm on a December night in 2018 and I’m still hooked on thoughts that have been on my mind for years, all the what if’s and if onlys... but the thing is, if it was meant to be it would have been by now. So why still think about things. If only I had put more time into it I could have gotten a better grade, if only I had changed that one thing everything would be different, what if I hadn’t gone blonde in year 12 would I look anything like I do now, if only I’d said no then I might not be thinking about it now, what if I hadn’t gone to the beach that day, if only I could follow my own advice... the list goes on and so do the thoughts.